Parent Helper Dangers

Last week, I was invited to speak to the grade 2/3/4 class – Godzilla’s classroom – about food and “being well”.

It is a subject I love, love, love (food AND health; two of my passions, and not necessarily in the same subject content either :)) and one I am more – MORE – than happy to talk about. For days on end if you so desire …

Anyhoo, I was most impressed with myself, having created and structured a talk that covered the basics of food and nutrition, and how it applies to being well in many ways, not just “being too fat” as is the general connection. I managed to work in some age appropriate questions and even conclude with an appropriate activity, requiring textas, drawing¬†and pasting. But not cutting, sadly.

I hadn’t accounted for the fact that grade 2/3/4 kids do not shut the fuck up, even though I had prepared for ridiculous questions and left-field answers. We ran slightly over time, but it went well.

I drew some very bad diagrams, mostly containing stick figures that looked like pizzas and I had to convince were actually people. They believed me. Eventually.

I even managed to successfully walk that incredibly fine line of Discussing Poo With Twenty Three Children Aged Seven To Nine Years without it getting into Stupidville.

The highlight, however, was that I had almost all the children traumatised and telling their parents that they learnt that “some kids don’t eat enough fibre and actually vomit up poo!”

So that was my Evil Deed for the Day, and I’m proud of it.

(And if I get just one kid taking something containing actual fibre to school and eating it, I will be most happy :D)

¬†That was last week … today, I returned to Monkey Boy’s grade 5/6 class to help them with their “bodily systems” work; another passion and huge interest of mine – The Body.

Whilst I love the topic, the children are extraordinarily boring and do not ask many questions. Or ask really stupid ones. Or put their hands over vague imagery of penises and giggle.

Today, they were doing more research, so I wandered around offering my services and helping them with terminology and what to type in Google to find the answers for various things.

Like “What is a diaphragm?” which one young girl typed in – her words, not mine, I promise! – which immediately blocked the search results and would not let her continue.

“Why did it do that?” she asked me.

“Ummmm,” I replied. “Erm? Ahhhhh….”

“Why did you do that?” she asked the laptop in front of her and I breathed a massive sigh of relief.

Then I had to leave the room because I was laughing too much.

Really, some people just need to grow up!

After that, we had parent teacher interivews. Godzilla’s teacher handed me a Thank You card, made (CUT and pasted!) by the kids and signed by all of them.

She also gave me some Ferrero Rocher chocolates – so I’m glad something I said during my talk sunk in.

(Yes, I do believe it started with “I really like food, and I really, really like good, yummy food).

And, yes, thank you for asking – I AM available to come and speak at your school about health and wellness, and food and eating and exercise and physical activity … please Contact Me for info :)


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  1. Hmmm maybe I need you to come and talk to me.

    Also we could type naughty things into my google and it wouldn’t block you :D

  2. Hilarious. Thanks for sharing this :)


  1. […] List rapidly expanding at the same rate in which my Available Time is declining, and what with the diaphragm incident of last week, I was more than happy to oblige. I don’t think I even bothered with the […]

  2. […] I went and helped in the classroom, where the kids are still working on their human body systems. They’re up to making life sized human bodies, with bits of crafty stuff stuck on that look […]

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