A Kid Full Day

Tuesdays are, generally, fraught with frustration as I have a full Monday, alone, in which to embark onreducing my To Do List (still in the form of a book) to a small list, and I find myself on a roll which comes to a smashing standstill at around 5.30am on Tuesday morning. This is precisely the time Grumpy’s alarm goes off and reminds me I have a day, alone with Toddler and any plans I have to be remotely productive at anything at all are shattered to smithereens.

Like my sleep at that time.

Today, I got the Triple Whammy. Both older kids are home from school as the teachers require this day to get pissed and bitch about the kids write school reports. I am fairly sure that when I went to school, the teachers were capable of fitting this important task into their working hours. But maybe I was delighted at having yet another day off school that I can’t recall why I was actually having one.

Anyhoo, I needed to get out of the house as a) if I stayed at home I’d attempt to get some work done and become increasingly frustrated with the copious interruptions, especiallly as all electronic games and devises had been banned due to a Late Last Week Pissing Me Off Session, and b) they’d go stir crazy.

A fine art is this desire to get children out of the house, as you must consider things such as cost, travel distance, how many snacks you can pack, and whether you are able to find a Suitable To All activity. Given I have one child (which is technically both of them) who disagrees with the other (also the two of them) on principal alone, this makes the last point extremely difficult to acheive.

So I decided we would go to Werribee Open Range Zoo as a) it would kill a good part of the day in travel, just in case we had to leave early, we wouldn’t be home that early and b) because my brain couldn’t think beyond that. Also, I had no cash in my purse, and probably bugger all in the bank account, but did have a FOTZ card, so no funds were required. I also chose this destination as it would give them something to bitch about, and given they ahd started whinging and complaining about going out for the day before I’d even mentioned it, I thought I may as well get my money’s worth.

Off we go, rugged up (well, I was and Chippie was, the other two had to fend for themselves because there are only so many times one can say “Do you have your warm jacket and beanie and scarf?” before requiring institutionalisation) and snacked up. It’s cold, but sunny. Until we near our destination where the already revoltingly low temperature plummets several degrees and it starts raining.

Of course it started raining. What would I do should my day go as planned?

Whilst I’m contemplating the idea of turning back towards home, and subsequently preventing myself from curling up into the foetal position as we’re driving up the freeway doing 100 kmph at the thought of this option, I’m also reassuring Monkeky Boy that we won’t be going on the “stupid boring bus thing” that they have. He doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like animals as a general rule, so driving around in a bus to look at them is not really on his List Of Fun Stuff To Do. Annoying the crap out of me is, however.

We arrive, it’s freezing and I have a moment where I actually think my tits have frozen off, but thankfully realise I have just gone numb from cold from the neck down. And the neck up, come to think of it. Flash my card and am advised that the Safari Bus is now included in this card and would I like her to book us on it.

Ummmmmm. It’s cold and raining and I would like to spend at least the same amount of time that it took us to get there looking around the place. So I agree. Much to Monkey Boy’s dismay.

I suggest wandering around to look at some animals. They wanted to eat. The snacks and lunch came out. At 10.13am. Then Chippie fell down the stairs on the playground. And the alarm went off telling us it was time to go back to the Safari Tour. Not before we saw a lion weeing though. Lucky.

Monkey Boy was more amenable to the bus tour, if only to warm up. As per usual, I got the spot smack bang in the middle because I am nice and let the kids sit near the windows. Also, I invariably pick the wrong window. The Wrong Window being either the side where there are no animals at all to speak of to view, or the side where all the animals congregate and I’m squished my three children, all vying for prime spot to see and poking me in the head with their pointy elbows and boobs and/or vagina with their knobbly knees.

It’s just safer in the middle.

Monkey Boy, much to his delight (not) got the Lots Of Animals side and offered to take photos.

We managed to snap:

A very bad photo, through the rain splattered window, of a bison doing a wee;

An antelopes bum, and;

A remarkable photo, taken by Godzilla this time, of a zebra’s bottom.


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