Parenting brings with it lots of new experiences, and today I learnt lots of new things.
Despite having grown up with two brothers, and no sisters, there are lots and lots of things about boys that I’m learning.
That, aside from the hourly boob-grabbing fest that occurs each day, farts are the funniest thing in the world. As are the words ‘poopoo’ and ‘bum bum’. I don’t quite get the hilarity, but its there.
I’m also learning new terms, like today at swimming when Grumpy and the kids walked into the water, and there was the progression of “oohs” as each of them got to “bits” height in the water. Grumpy informed me that it was “spanner water”.
To which I, stupidly, asked for explanation for.
“It tightens your nuts”.
Ah, yes, of course. Now why didn’t I think of that.
After swimming we went out for dinner. Where I was introduced to a new role in my Mumming career.
No one, at any point, not even in the parenting books, did anyone warn me that I would be spending a lot of time lingering around the doorways of men’s toilets for long periods of time.
(Off the topic – how long does it take a kid to poo, for f***s sake?!)
After what seemed like hours, but was only really about 2 and half, I bravely stuck my head in the door and said “what are you doing? Hurry up.”
The responding glare I received was enough to stop me in my tracks. This was closely followed by “Look, I’m doing a poo, ok! You just stand out there and be the security guard, and make sure no-one comes in!”
No-one told me about that role, either …. is there anything else I need to know about this job?