Annoying cough

A knock at the door before we were up – which is unusual, because I’m usually up at an hour well before people come a-knocking.

It was the lovely lady across the road, come to drop off a bag of apricots from her tree.


Made Godzilla’s day, as he loooooves fruit. He opted for apricots for breakky. And I’m NOT gonna argue that one.

We set about our usual day – chaos with snack breaks – trying to tidy the house before the Christmas chaos really kicks in when Godzilla informs me he found a caterpillar.

“Where did you find it?”

“In the kitchen.”

“Oh. OK. Where was it?”

“In my apicot!”

Please tell me it was in one piece! And whole!

“Well, don’t eat it. Put it outside.”

“But it is my Gibble Gobble Caterpillar and I love him so much.” and set off to make a bed for it.

It was not long later I noticed the Annoying Cough.

Oh, dear.

“Why are you coughing like that?” I ask, surreptitiously looking for Gibble Gobble the Caterpillar.

“Is your throat hurting? Is that why you’re coughing?”

“Well, I got a toenail stuck in there. It’s pokin’ me in the neck.”

Do I really want the answer to this one ….

“Right, and, um, how did the toenail get in there?”

“I accidentally ate it. I thought it was food. ”

“How did you think it was food? Did you find it on the floor or something and eat it?”

“Its a toenail from my finger. This finger (pointing to his pointer finger) It was there and it was coming off a bit, so I bite it off and I accidentally ate it. And it went down my neck.”

“OK. And its been there all that time? ”

“Yes. And I want a drink of water so it will go down my neck and make the toenail go all the way to my bum.”

“Does drinking water help move it?”

“Its poking me in the neck. It’s a finger nail and a toenail.”

“How does that work?”

“I wanted to make it very long so it would poke my brainstem.”

“Right ?!”

“Yeah, it’s pokin’ me in the brainstem and making my brainstem hurt. And my brainstem is makin’ me cough.”

Hmm. I think I’ll ask the Gibble Gobble Caterpillar. I may just get a more reasonable response…

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