You know those moments you near the end of your tether and you wish you could be whisked off to your happy place?
You close your eyes, take several, deep, soul-reaching breaths as you slowly count to ten.
In your mind, you visualise your Happy Place; whatever or wherever that may be.
(If you’re not doing this, you ‘should’ be, because all the experts will tell you it’s what you ‘should’ be doing to reduce stress and be all happy and shit.)
Your breathing slows, your heart stops pounding and your overwhelming desire to stuff your child-of-whatever-age (or your mother-in-law) into the cutlery draw dissipate.
You are immediately transformed into your caring, loving, Stepford Wife self …. ahhhhh, calm.
My favourite mantra (and possibly happy place) is the Calm Blue Ocean.
You know the one? Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean … repeat until calm?
Blue is a calming colour and designed to relax you.
The gentle waves are calming and soothing.
The ocean itself, when blue and calm, is tranquil.
Of course, there are times when I’d rather be submerging myself in one until it all goes away, rather than visualising one.
Sometimes, the visualisation of my happy place only serves to remind me of how desperate I am for a break and makes me even more pissed off.
Mostly, though, it is calming, soothing and puts me in a better head space. Allegedly.
Then there are those times when you have used pretty much all of your tolerance.
Regardless of how genuine and ‘authentic’ you are in your acceptance of others, how much you tell yourself it is ‘them not you’ and to be more loving and empathetic towards them, there are times when you reach your fill and your love and acceptance start to become a little forced and fake and just plain bullshit. No matter what you tell yourself.
This, too, is where my mantra and Happy Place are handy.
Yelling “CALM BLUE OCEAN” at your obstinate child is slightly more accepting to the Mumfia than, say “Shut the fuck up!” or “Put your fucking shoes on!”
I lie. Nothing like that is really accepted by the Mumfia, but you can tell yourself it’s a better alternative because you left out the world ‘fuck’.
(Unless you yell “Calm Blue Fucking Ocean” … )
Nothing that indicates you may be in any way human and have feelings or emotions of your own is acceptable to the Mumfia.
It also has almost, but not quite, the same sense of release and relief as does yelling “FUCK!”
Then, there is the taking the slow, deep, even breaths and you close your eyes and repeat over and over ‘calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean’ as you visualise the vast blue calmness of it all.
Then visualise holding your antagonist’s head under – whomever that antagonist may be – until you achieve a sense of calm.
There? Feel better?