I’m back, online, connected, kinda, sorta, mildly sane.
(Although, I have just yelled at all three of my children, in succession, for a variety of stupidities and frustrations, so I do have my cranky pants on right now).
The last several months have been a bit of a trial for a variety of reasons.
You know how sometimes nothing is wrong? Or, even that things are actually pretty bloody good, yet you feel yourself falling into a hole?
Kind of a bit like that.
Or move went well, despite the fact the removalist had not actually booked our job .. and all that seems soooo long ago.
The boxes have all been unpacked. Everything has it’s place (mostly) and blinds have been ordered, but we still need to wait a few more weeks before those are installed.
I love our new house. It has yet to establish its own ‘feel’ and personality and the like, but the location and view are amazing. I often have to pinch myself and say “how the fuck did I get here?”
It’s pretty bloody good. Which, for me, just opens up a whole heap of … well, crap really about how I don’t deserve any of it. And all the rest of the shit that voices like to tell you.
I’ve also had no Internet (as you well know) for all this time. Until last week, in fact. Numerous phone calls and fucking about occurred, and eventually things rocked up, more hours on phone calls and I was connected and installed.
It seems, on one hand, a somewhat minor thing, but the reality of it is, for me, was that it prevented me from doing my job. Worse still, it prevented me from doing the thing I most love doing (which is my job :)). And the strategies that I had put in place in order to do the bits of my job that others were relying on me for, well, that was a big ball of stress and below-par equipment, and people talking loudly, kicking desks and chewing with their mouths open (ARGH!) and cut into a lot of my usual working time.
They were bittersweet moments; I was doing that which I loved and keeping my promises and integrity intact, yet on the other hand I was in an environment that only set my twitches off and reminded me why there are some public places I don’t like all that much.
Admittedly, I was also a bit edgy, what with all the added stress. Thus, my tolerance levels for Other People were at an all time low. Normally, I’m sure, they wouldn’t bother me so much.
It wasn’t just the Internet an lack of adequate facilities to do my job properly.
The coffee machine had also broken. Not so much that it was rendered completely useless, but enough that meant setting it was far more painful and required considerably dexterous manoeuvering of the hands to ensure that all sections were adequately sealed. Some sort of Coffee Machine Setting Yoga was performed on a nightly basis, and restless sleeps over the fear I’d come down in the morning and be forced to lick leaked coffee from the floor to get my morning fix were the norm.
The dishwasher joined in the fun at one point. It just, for no explicable reason, simply stopped working. We called The Man and turned it off. For some reason, a few days later, I tried it again.
And it, for no explicable reason, simply started working again.
Meanwhile, the teenager was struggling with the inability to communicate with his friends (via some sort of messaging app or other) and the tweenager was having major Minecraft withdrawals. The six-year-old was being his usual, difficult self, and has taken to not eating. Possibly because nothing else he tries on us gets the result he wants, so he’s just upping the ante as though that will have the impact he wants. So far, it’s not going his way.
I’ll admit, I did eventually crumble under it all – and the being totally confronted with the plans I have now I have a Room Of My Own, and the time to do it – and did have a bit of a tantrum, directed at Telstra. It was they who were the brunt of my worldly deficit, and the reason I was asked some 58 billion times each day “Do we have Internet yet?”
One must also appreciate how much … hrm, what’s the word I’m looking for? Fun? … it can be with a child on the Autism Spectrum, with no Internet and the inability to provide a definite or more concrete answer.
It did become somewhat wearing. All of it.
I did, however, get my office sorted, and created a bit of colour on the walls, organised everything so I could work to the best of my ability and … well, I still have a few things to do, but we’re getting there.
And now, finally, I am connected, officially and properly and hopefully without any more dramas. I have caught up on some of the tech stuff that built up in my literally virtual absence (did anyone’s head just break then? 😛 ) and just as I’m raring and geared up to go, I find myself in the middle of the school holidays.
I’m itching for routine, I’m itching to tend to some of my lists – I have created a few, as there is much to be done, and I even had time to colour coordinate them – and try to fend off the feelings of overwhelm that threaten to consume me.
Mostly, however, I am in a good place.
Mostly, I have missed doing what I love and I’m so excited to be back, with decent access to doing what I enjoy the most. So very excited that if I could write 13 articles at the same time, I would. Sadly, I can’t, and it is this deficit in my abilities that makes me very sad.
I’m back … and for now, that’s what counts.
In the meantime, I’m just going to continue to do what I can with what I have, in this moment …
What about you? What have you been up to?