“He got more biscuits than me. You love him more than me!”

“You gave him a longer cuddle. You always cuddle him more!”

“But I had that first. It’s not fair!

“I wanted to sit there. You hate me. You love him more.”

“I wanted this movie, not that one! It’s not fair.”

“Am I your favourite?”

“Do you love me more or him?”

Not fair – I can’t answer that. But I am a stickler for making things fair. Lets face it, my parents loved my brothers more than they loved me. I know!

So, I’m not gonna let that happen in this house.

I got my chance to ensure fairness between the kids today.

Whilst Grumpy was doing something out in the garden. And had left the hose tap on. And Monkey Boy picked it up and squirted Godzilla with it. A nice spray. From one of those showery spray nozzle things. Saturated him.

Godzilla screamed – yet another Oscar Award winning performance.

So I went to make sure things were fair. I handed Godzilla the hose. He aimed it at Monkey Boy and pulled the trigger.

Full on in the face, from a distance of, ooh,

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