It went like this:
9.23am Grumpy decides to go for a walk and informs me. Chippie has screaming tantrum, involving the throwing of shoes at heads and climbing into his pram.
9.27am Grumpy takes Chippie for a walk.
10.12am Grumpy returns with Chippe and the missing Arna – hurrah! It was in the bank.
10.58am Grumpy completes rereading the paper and drinking coffee and decides he wants the Lego stuff sorted.
10.58 and 7 seconds: NOW!
10.59am Informs Monkey Boy that “this shit needs to be sorted” and advises him it needs to all rebuilt.
11.03am Ignores my comments re Lego being designed to be built and pulled apart and rebuilt.
11.04am Further ignores comments relating to Monkey Boy being equally pissed off that no one else seems to respect the effort he put into building them and have no qualms about destorying them, leaving bits of Lego all over the place and leaving Monkey Boy terribly upset.
11.05am Grumpy suggests I shut up and and grumbles about Lego being pulled apart and makes comments about it being left alone once it is built.
11.06am Ignores further comments about Lego being designed to play with and the number of times he has ignored my suggesetions that we get appropriate storage box-like things or some other form of receiptable that will enable effective storage of said Lego pieces, that will also prevent amount of Lego being spread around the house.
11.07am I leave them to it, outdoor table covered in Lego bits and Grumpy and Monkey Boy snarling at each other.
11.17am Can’t stand it any more and go outdoors to request that they play nicely and, perhaps, merely a suggestion, but make the most of this time and have FUN together.
11.18am Grumpy mouths fuck off to me.
11.19am Get camera and take a photo of this moment. My “moment” I mean the actually bit, quite coincidentaly, where Grumpy again mouths fuck off.
11.42am Monkey Boy comes in to show me a piece they have completed. Complete with explicitly detailed commentary.
11.59am Monkey Boy comes in to show me another finished piece. Again with commentary. Godzilla comes in telling me I have one minute to make lunch.
12.08pm Lunch being made. Grumpy and Monkey Boy still at it. Lego scattered on outdoor table appears not to have been touched. At all.
12.19pm Lunch consumed.
12.21pm Chippie has screaming tantrum because it is his bedtime and he has had the half built Lego diesel train pried from his fingers.
12.23pm Chippie in his cot having a screaming tantrum. I return to work.
1.10pm Monkey Boy enters office to show me yet another completed piece. Wish he would shut up. If I wanted brick by brick description of how the piece was built, I’d be doing it myself. There is a reason I’m not.
1.12om Reason I’m not out there building with them is reinforced as I hear Grumpy advise Monkey Boy how to do something, and Monkey Boy yell back about how he does it and why he’s doing it that way, and Grumpy adding his two bits in and I scream loudly so I can’t hear it any more.
1.21pm Chippie still resisiting sleep.
1.22pm Grumpy grasps frantically for a suitable distraction and heads off to accountant to sign some documents. Chippie runs past office door just as Grumpy driving out driveway and starts screaming “Daddy, daddy” because, apparently, being left with me is a fate worse than death. Godzilla sidles past and informs me he got Chippie out “because, aw, he was awake and didn’ want to go to sleep”.
1.24pm The nagging starts about me “helping”
1.26pm I suggest enough fun is had for the day, and that we pack it all up.
3.57pm Outdoor table finally cleared of all Lego, which has been replaced into specific, piece designated boxes, in order to embark on some more fun when the moment arises.
3.58pm Am hoping this moment arises when I am in a different country.