How do you tell the difference between a boy & a girl

Ever the wise one on gender differences, and always needing to know more and more, Monkey Boy asks me how you tell the difference between a boy and a girl.

Meaning … fully clothed, and what features are present that enables you to look at one gender or the other and immediately know.

Clearly, the five year old knows everything because he pipes up, all knowing and “you’re an idiot”ing with “Girls are female and boys are male”.

(The “you idiot” was silent, but present in the body language and look.)

Monkey Boy, not to be outdone in the “you idiot” stakes, enquires “Well, yeah, but how do you tell the difference?”

“Female starts wif a eff, and male starts wif a em.” You idiot.

I intervene. For two reasons. One to try to answer Monkey Boy’s question, and two, because five year olds never, ever give you the obvious answer to this question. It’s funny!

We persist … “but how can you tell?” and “but how do you know which one is a girl and which is a boy” etc etc

Godzilla keeps on with his male-female rhetoric.

We almost get through what we mean, when he replies with “The girls are red and the boys are blue” and totally loses us. Until he qualifies it with explaining when you’re making a Mii on the Wii and you choose red for females and blue for males.

I attempt to simplify by using “mummy and daddy” and how can you tell mummy is a girl and daddy a boy?

“Coz you’re a female and daddy is a male.”


“Right, so how do you know, just by looking at mummy and daddy that mummy is a girl and a female and daddy is a boy and a male?”

That got him, I used “girl” and “female” and “boy” and “male”.

“Aw. Well, because you are good and beautiful and dad is hideous.”

Yup. That’ll do it.

4 Replies to “How do you tell the difference between a boy & a girl”

  1. Nice. What do your kids have against their Dad??????

    And I’ve learned something. I hadn’t noticed the difference between male and female miis until your son pointed it out. Although… Given that my boys create miis which are hermaphrodites (you know, girls with mustaches, that sort of thing), I’m still confused….

  2. I have no idea, Pete, but the problem is, they say such damned funny things it’s hard to have words to them about it.

    Sadly, we also live in The House of Great Mirth, and a smartarse Daddy, so I suspect he is just getting back what he gives 🙂

    (I should probably also make it clear, for those who don’t get it – we all have such great relationships and humour in our house that these things can be said with no offence taken!)

    As for the Miis, yep, you learn something new every day! And why can’t the kids just play on the damned Wii as it was intented, and stop mucking around with the Mii’s all the time?! We have one called “HZK^%^FNK”. I’m think its one of your hermaphrodite friends, Pete.

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