I Have a Sad

You know how sometimes life gets you down?

Yeah, you know those times.

And sometimes life is going swimmingly.

Whatever the hell that means …

Anyhoo, I find myself in one of those strange places, that’s not really an in-between, but that is a total bloody conundrum and rather bloody annoying.

Life, for me, right now, is doing its swimmingly thing. Things are going along very nicely, much stress has been removed due to changes in circumstances, albeit creating a new set of crazy for me.

Thankfully, I am most at home with crazy and chaos, so all is rather ‘normal’ for me in that respect.

There are, as always, those niggly little annoying tings in life. Like public transport and the mentality of office workers. Mostly the entitlement mentality, and this illogical, and understandable (at least for me) insatiable need to bitch about the job you have knowingly agreed to.

I just don’t get that.

A little of my sad is that it has reinforced that I simply do not ‘fit’ in a way that most people do.

I cannot complain about things that I have actively chosen to do … I interviewed for a position, I accepted the position, the position is fraught will all kinds of horrendousness, but I knew that. To me, it is like moving next to a freeway and complaining about the traffic noise.

I don’t get it.

And as a result, I don’t fit.

But I’m okay with that, because for me the alternative is worse.

Part of my sad is that I have had to let go of a few things. Not because I don’t have the time; I had made the decision to ‘let go’ well before the lack of time and energy came into it.

Things that I have known for a while are taking up a lot of my time and energy, taking me away from my dreams, even though I could very easily justify how they fulfilled my dreams. I loved these things, they did fulfill me, and they served some greater services for others.

But it’s time they go now … and that fills me me a little with Sad.

I have Sad because so many of my friends are experiencing such horribleness in their lives. Life is really being not very nice, and a part of me feels ‘wrong’ that things are going rather well for me, when they are experiencing so much sad and hard.

I want to take my Good and let them have it. I don’t want them to have Sads, and certainly not to the level that they are experiencing it.

I put that down to my fabulous powers with empathy.

Which sometimes, quite frankly, shit me.

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Mostly, I have a Weltschmerz; a World Sad.

I’m sad, of course, about all the bad, horrible, traumatic, sad things going on in the world.

What adds to the sad -to my Sad – is how they are handled.

How we don’t, as a society, as a whole, look at the foundations and fundamental causes of things.

How we will tear down our leaders, our authorities, and wonder why there is an ever increasing gap between “us and them”.

Until our police are threatened and all the daily “fuck the police” abuse turns into “don’t you touch our police”!

I mean, really, they’re our police to disrespect, to abuse, to tear down … but anyone else tries to do it and “fuck you fuckers!”.

I have a Sad about the lack of accountability, responsibility, and complete inability to see beyond what’s happening, right now, right in front of our eyes.

Of the lack of understanding about why certain things happen.

I have a Sad because although one one hand these things are ‘easy’ to fix, on the other, they are so grossly complex and complicated and require people to be responsible and accountable, and not at all self entitled and self absorbed … and complaining about all the things that come with their choices.

I have a Sad because I am just me … and whilst my dreams are big, they aren’t big enough, and I am not enough to fix All The World Sad.

Or even a teensy little bit of it.

I have a Sad.

 

 

 

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