I have Depression. What are you doing about it?

A few weeks back, I had an … exchange with someone.

I’d upset her with something I’d said (which I quite understand) and, although I didn’t need to, I apologised for the hurt she was feeling.

The vitriolic response, basically, was that as I proclaim to “help people” I didn’t do it in this instance and as she has a mental illness, I should be more careful about what I say (possibly to her, or just generally – I’m not sure, to be honest).

I could go on a rant about how she took it the wrong way/personally, how I can’t be responsible for how others choose to see things, etc etc blah blah

But, man! Do I GET it?!

Hell, yeah.

A couple of months back, I was there, too. I was in a

11 Replies to “I have Depression. What are you doing about it?”

  1. “like”
    I am always so reluctant to share my sadness/problems/shit because I’m aware that everyone else has they’re own stuff to deal with.
    I don’t look to others to fix me, I do my best to do it myself. I just accept and appreciate every helping hand I’m given along the way because I know someone is doing the best that they can for me.
    I try to offer the same to others

  2. I understand completely. Over the past few years, I’ve tried to be honest and up front about the struggles I have been going through. I’ve been frustrated and annoyed at people who respond with ‘you don’t look depressed’ or, worse, ‘but your life is so wonderful. You just need to be more positive’.

    I could get angry and hurt that they don’t understand, or I can choose to not allow their response to pull me down further.

    I’ve found finding a small number of people who really do understand has made it much easier to deal with those who misunderstand, can’t be bothered understanding or are simply dealing with their own stuff and don’t have the energy to try to understand mine.

    Hugs to you, and to your friend who is obviously dealing with challenges of her own. xxx

  3. I really ‘get’ that! I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety badly since Mum died last September.
    I’ve had depression from in my teens and everyday is a battle but I can’t seem to get out of that dark fog that envelops you.
    I’ve pretty much hidden in my own shell and pushed everyone away that I care about.
    It is hard to decipher if what you are thinking is real or not… is it me or the depression thinking these thoughts?
    Always here for you chicki, just need to contact me! xx

  4. I think you’ve expressed yourself very well here. As hard as depression is, in the end no one can fix us. Only we can fix us! It would be nice if everyone could help and did help, but the reality is that the one person who can put one foot out of the bed, and then another, is the person with depression. I feel for the person you had the contact with, but I feel for you too! We are all going through our own stuff! It’s life. It’s hard sometimes. I SO wish I could take a pill and make it better. Or go on a walk and make it better. But that’s not going to happen. But if I do those things, and a few other proactive things, like talk to friends, see my doctor, have fun with my kids, treat my body with respect etc, I know I’m getting there. I can’t make one or several person responsible for MY happiness. That’s not fair.

  5. Susan, I think that’s part of people, generally, just not knowing what to do or how to reply, being confronted by their own stuff, or just being ignorant about the illness. It’s a tough one and I understand how that can make you feel.

    I worry about her, too. The level of paranoia and self deprecation in her reply had me scared for her well being. She is not a close friend (more an acquaintance) and I don’t know her all that well. I am not equipped to deal with the level of psychological/psychiatric aid she requires and I can’t take on that level of responsibility (as much as I’d love to be able to at times).

    I, too, hope she gets what she needs. Like all of us, though, we won’t find it whilst we’re making others responsible for our happiness, our sadness or otherwise.

  6. I have seen the error of my ways, especially in misconstruing the nature of our relationship. I always try hard to practice kindness and compassion when interacting with people on social media, especially when I know a bit about their personal circumstances. That is all I asked of you.

  7. This post has the potential to deliver a really great message..but it get’s lost in the personal speculation of someone who you admit is merely an acquaintance. I wonder how, if you read the same about yourself, you would feel to find that a blogger and her readers were discussing your mental health. You talk about everyone thinking of themselves first and this is true but we also have the moral compass to tell us when something we do, could have the potential to cause harm. While the post itself doesn’t open up a lot of speculation, your follow on comments of fearing for her safety and calling her paranoid just don’t sit right with me.

  8. Thanks, Tegan, That’s a good point.

    I guess the point I was trying to make was not about someone else – but about my being in that same place and understanding (then sharing ) what I did and do when I find myself there.

    The intro was intended to be just that, an intro and to put it into a context of sorts, then to move onto how I had a revelation for myself. Reading back, yes I can see even more of the variety of ways it could be interpreted.

    Ah, that omnipresent ‘risk of being misinterpreted’.

    Thank you, I do try not to discuss others too much because they’re not my lives to discuss. I do appreciate your comments, thanks.

  9. I agree with Tegan. I think the intro is more hurtful to the person involved. I get what you are saying and agree with the rest of your post. But the intention with the intro has to be questioned.
    If you were as worried about her as you say, you may have seen that. If it IS just paranoia, then you just fed it.
    I normally stay out of this kind of online drama – especially since you are both friends of mine… but I can’t let this one go. Because you are both friends of mine.

  10. Agree re the intro and how it could have been read 🙂

    However, I’m a little confused about your assuredness of who you think this is about. I realise someone has put their hands up and claimed it was them – however, the incident I refer to is connected to another I have spoken of, in relation to a group I was involved with outside of the blogging world, this person wasn’t even in my headspace.

    I realise there are also a number of people who feel it could be about them, too. I can’t help what others think, nor if they choose to believe what I say to them.

    Mostly, I’m annoyed that the message has been lost because someone chose to believe it was all about them and didn’t ask. That makes me sad 🙁

  11. Although – yes, in fairness – and in hindsight and recalling of incidents, I can totally see why she would think it was all about her 🙂

    I can only say it’s not and that I’m honestly sorry she would think or feel that.

    Now I’m just really sad that someone has been unintentionally hurt 🙁

    I hope the post did have the intention it was supposed to have on at least one person, though.

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