It never rains …

A particularly unpleasant overnight consisting of something in the realms of fuck all sleep. For me.

And, no, not because I stepped on a LEGO man in the middle of the night in bare feet. Chippie decided he’d try it on and not sleep at all, instead, screaming most of the night for cuddles he didn’t want. He’s not a cuddle kid, and being cuddled to sleep has never worked for him.

Somedays, I swear he’s a Libra and not a Virgo … so bloody indecisive! Argh!

So, I barely muddle through the day, doing loads of yelling and tantruming, because that’s what being excruciatingly tired will do to you, I was saved the task of doing the washing because a) I was an emotional wreck doing lots of crying and b) the clothing on the fully laden clothes line were still damp. The rain of the last few days had been enough to keep the items just damp enough had abated and we had some sunshine. The two wet loads sititng in the basket in the laundry would have to wait until I got home from swimming lessons and could remove the, hopefully, dry items and hang them out. The remaining 23 loads would have to wait until … whenever …

Shopping was a higher priority, given the authorities get upset when you starve your children and you send them to school with peanut butter smeared on a playing card. Apparenlty, loads of kids are allergic to nuts, so peanut butter is banned. I was also reluctant to wake Chippie, or myself, to perform this task as early in the day as possible. He woke before I was ready, but with just enough time for us to do the shop, drop it (or at least the frozen stuff) off at home, do the school run and head straight to swimming.

Thankfully, I had enough wits about me to grab the kids swimming bags before heading off to shopping. They get rather narky when you turn up to swimming and have nothing there and you make them swim in their undies and they cry and refuse to get in the pool. Especially Godzilla, who doesn’t wear undies. And they won’t let him in the pool naked. Do they think I have all the time in the world to run around collecting forgotten things?

I digress. Shopping done, enought time to dump frozen stuff in freezer during out of the way drive-by on way to school. It starts spitting a little. I have forgotten the clothes on the line. It has stopped by the time we get to the pool. The sun is shining again. The clothes should be good for removal when I get home.

The pool where Chippie crawls, again, to the side. His pants and jacket are wet, so I strip him of them and let him crawl around in a nappy and shirt. He can go home like that.

The lesson finishes, I drag the kids out and toss them in the shower, whilst Chippie explores the surrounding area, finds a puddle the size of his bottom, splashes in it for a bit, then sits in it. Bum far too wet for putting in the car seat.

In fact, all of him is far too wet to be putting in the car seat.


Strip him completely, change nappy, empty nappy bag to find one size too small pants that have been in there forever, and a clean dry top. Redress Chippie and hang onto him to prevent any further opportunities for getting wet. Collate children, shoes, goggles, wet bathers, towels, swim bags, nappy bag, remnants of sanity and leave the building. At which point the sun promptly buggers off and it starts to rain. Not spit, not drizzle, but rain.

In the 20 seconds it takes to get to the car, the fall has increased significanlty, Godzilla totally freaks out (not surprising as I don’t think he’s ever been outdoors in rain like this) and we eventually get into the car. Soaking wet. I observe Chippie and wonder, yet again, why I bother.

Emphasised by the fact that, when we get home I dump him inside the door, passing the now completely saturated clothing on the line, and race back to the car to collect the shopping I did earlier. He follows me out the door and crawls around the soaked decking, chasing the cats, eating there food and locating anything resembling a puddle and sitting and/or lying in it.

I seriously contemplate hanging all children on the overfull clothesline and going in and pouring myself a large glass of sauv blanc.

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