It's not what happens to you …

… it’s how you handle it that counts.

Ah, one of those “motivational” speaks that pops up a lot and eveyrone is supposed to just “get” and follow it’s fabulous advice.

More on that later … cos that’s another post on it’s own (and one I started already … )

I do “get” what that statement means, and, for the most part, I

9 Replies to “It's not what happens to you …”

  1. Massive hugs to you.

    Ironically this is the first blog post I’ve read after leaving meeting with Heidi’s aide, teacher and school principal. Where we talked about how it was not what happens in class that causes Heidi problems but how she responds to those happenings.


    Baby steps

    I respond by retreating, avoiding people, doing less and hiding at home. Not ideal but it gives me time to get my headspace calm.

  2. Whoever said life was fair (or easy for that matter)! But that’s just another one of those annoying lines people pull out (often parents) when things don’t go your way!

    I’m sorry life sucks for you right now! Good to hear you’re getting the help you need to deal with it all (better than when you were lying on the couch not wanting to get up at least). I can relate to that whole curling up in a ball & crying/ wanting to go to sleep & never wake up/ wanting the world to go away type instinct (not that empathy can take any of the suckiness out of current life events for you) – I have that regularly & require daily assistance to not disappear under the covers never to be seen or heard from again! It’s not that I don’t love six month old Cheeky Monkey, it’s not that I don’t love my husband, it’s not that I’m ungrateful for the roof over our heads, food on the table & ability to choose to stay home with Cheeky Monkey… It’s just that I’m struggling to get my groove back.

    Well… I’m not entirely sure I’ve ever had a groove to speak of… But that hasn’t stopped me from trying to get one (the days I’m not trying to literally disappear inside our mattress that is (remarkably difficult feat with a six month old).

    But I digress… Empathy for your plight I have a plenty! Praying things settle down for you & your family soon!

  3. Marita – oh I so know that pain xox

    Taryn, funnily, I find when I do a day of meltdown, lying on couch, crying etc, or even an hour or two, everything becomes clear … kinda like it frees my mind and opens up other options. So I don’t usually worry when I have a moment like that …

    And you’re exactly right, it’s not anout not loving stuff (your kids, life, job, hubby, whatever) … its about your resilience and ability to think and act and whatever else you need to do. Sometimes, all the “stuff” seriously affects your ability to do “what you do with it” in a raltional way.

    Thank you xox

  4. The “how you deal with it” is all very well if we have the tools, tricks and support to be able to handle the shit.

    The “how you deal with it” doesn’t help if you’re already a puddle on the floor.

    But it does go a fair way to explaining how some people manage to deal with far more shit that most of us could ever imagine.

    Some people “just do it”, some struggle, and some need a great deal of help.

  5. Ok, for me, the “what you do with it” is about acceptance. It’s about not seeing things as good or bad, but just as things that need to be dealt with. There was no Aspergers before 1994 and parents with kids who had it just accepted (or not) their kids for who they were and got on with life. Yes, grieving and raging are all part of the gig. You have to process, not bury, your emotions, your reaction to this. However, none of that will change the facts of the situation.

    And remember you have choices. There are always choices. Revising the expectations you have of yourself, for your family, for your lifestyle are part of those choices.

    Acceptance does not come easily. But it does get easier the more you practice it.

    I don’t know if that helps at all.

    I’m sorry I haven’t been around the forum for you…

    When you are inside the situation it hurts like hell. Let it….

  6. Yup, acceptance is a biggie. Its one I have a good handle on. Makes SUCH a difference – I need to edit my other posts with speaks more of the Skills and Tools that Lex mentioned.

    (I thought I’d spoken more of them in this one, but it seems I didn’t – whoops!)

    On that, Lex, absolutely brilliant point …

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