From the head and the heart … blergh
I am, or have been, like a bag of mixed lollies. With some very yummy dark chocolate coated raspberries mixed with the poor quality, milk bottles that are a weird yellowy colour.
I’m ok now. I managed to work my way through it, but last week was bad. I thought I may very well explode. The Tantrums were getting me down. I had many a moment of “why did I have this kid” along side the “what have I done to the rest of my family by having him”. I had many a moment of doing everything I possibly could to avoid going to pick him up from childcare until absolutely necessary.
It got to the point on Monday where, at around 3pm, I had such an overwhelming sense of doom, that I couldn’t move. Then I went and got him and he was an absolute delight and loads of fun. Course, he didn’t last last the week, but its been better.
All of which, of course, is accompanied by the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy at not being able to confort your own child. You know, that thing that ALL mums “should” know how to do “intuitively”. Not only that, but they also do it well and perfectly every time. Except, apparently, me, whose feelings of inadequacy spilled over into every aspect of my life.
It’s kinda hard to feel … anything, really … when your screaming toddler is pushing you away. Or worse, when he screams more when you walk into the room.
On that low note was also quite the reverse happened. My long awaited book, Diary of a Mad Cow: A Guide to Bad Mothering