Normal is just a cycle on the washing machine

Despite my best and hard working efforts to ensure a Tooth Fairy visit occurred overnight, it was a dismal failure.

You see, I had done the obvious; written the note, looked into the deep, dark depths of my wallet, scrambled through the numerous pens, napkins, leaking tubes of who knows what and year’s old lollies at the bottom of my various handbags, looked under couches, through the pockets of jeans (that are in bad need of a wash) and finally located the appropriately weighted coin to exchange for a tooth, then delegated the task of swappage to He Who Would Be Up At The Right Hour To Perform Exchange Without Detection.

He was up. He forgot to perform exchange. I took the task onboard myself, executing the switch, using stealth mode … or, technically, eleven-year-old scoffing breakfast – as my cover.

I then dispatched all three offspring, accomplished a decent exercisey kind of walk and set about getting some work done, despite having achieved something akin to bugger all sleep due to nocturnal visits by smallish person.

I have no idea what’s going on there.

Smallish person had also emptied his bladder in our bed whilst he lay there, in repose, so an additional, unexpected load of washing was required.

I’d added what was required to the washing machine prior to my departure and was dismayed to find it had chosen to stop, mid-cycle.

I sorted it out, wanting to get it onto the line as soon as possible to give it as much chance to dry and get it back onto my bed before midnight tonight.

It stopped again. I started it again.

It stopped again.

It was telling me it was “unbalanced”.

Hmmm. With a crazy schedule, bullshit happening in a considerable number of areas on my life that I could well do without, technical difficulties that make no sense whatsoever, a child who has suddenly decided not to sleep, two completely incompetent household tooth fairies and an underlying “severe depression” (as diagnosed over a year ago now) I was starting to think this was a bit of a challenge.

Am fairly sure if the washing machine and I were going face to face in the unbalanced stakes, I was on a good ticket to win.

It was then that I realised – as one does under these circumstances – that our washing machine has no “normal” cycle.

Which kind of put me off balance even further. I mean, I’d like something in this house to be normal.

The dishwasher doesn’t have one either …

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