Oh, such a cliche – this time of year and everyone does a reflection.
I tend not to be one to conform terribly much to what ‘everyone else’ is doing, but, you know, it’s a whole ‘end of year’, ‘bring in the new year’ kind of thing. A ritual, of sorts, if you will. A good time to reflect, refresh and start anew if one so desires.
Although, I also believe, wholeheartedly, that you can just start new, right now – whatever time that ‘right now’ is. I have done this throughout this year already (or maybe it was last) when my Real Mums Blog was hacked and I lost it all. Sad and annoying as it was, it enabled me to start anew, to be who I wanted to be over there and do that which I wanted.
On reflection, I didn’t do anywhere near as much as I wanted. I still fear – far to greatly – not what others think of me, but upsetting others, whoever unintentionally or inadvertently. I do everything I do from my heart, with love and for the ‘greater good’ of those who need to hear it. Fundamentally, I know those that are offended, upset or whom disagree with me, well, they’re not who I’m talking to. Still, I don’t like them to be upset by something I’ve done.
I need to get over that, because the result of that is those who I AM speaking to, whom will gain much from what I have to say, are missing out because of those I’m not talking to who get upset.
Confused yet? It does make sense.
As for 2013 – it’s been a dark, black, sad year. I fell into the pit of depression, I have seen my friends experience such sadness and despair and I have lost a friend. I have been helpless and hopeless and unable to help, yet, at another level, I have had clarity and understand completely that there is nothing that can be done in those moments, there is nothing that can be said and done to help, to offer hope, or to help. It is something they need to go through, given the circumstances.
It is life.
For me, personally, well, I got nowhere near as much done as I had wanted to do, the goals I thought I would achieve at the start of this year; some happened, most didn’t. It has been mildly stressful from a personal experience level, with general ‘stuff’, but horrible and black and heart breaking from the perspective of watching my friends and loved ones go through what they have gone through.