Secret High Fives

Sometimes, you do stuff that makes you happy dance and wanna run up the street, high fiving everyone.

You know, those moments where you just freaking ROCK!

Yeah, I had one of those moments the other day.

Big smiles, rocking like a mofo, and being just totally awesome … and I couldn’t share it.

Not cos it’s some sort of top secret thing that will bring down a corporation or a country. Although I have had to sign a few of those non-disclosure type things of late.

Let’s just put it this way; the parenting books, all of them, are seriously deficient in the management of the penis, and penis related discussion.

I feel heavily let down, not to mention slightly deficient in my abilities, given I am confronted by this wiggly-wangly appendage more often than I would like.

Possessing the ability to supress my nervous laughter under some circumstances, to bite my tongue and be all sensible and shit, I have been able to semi-adequately bluff my way thought a number of uncomfortable and difficult, ‘rude bits’ focussed discussion.

Not only with my own kids – and I say this at the risk of being labelled some kind of perverted weirdo – but with the offspring of others too. Mostly for the benefit of the withering-in-embarrassment or being overwhelmed by inadequacy mother of said be-penised child.

Not being in possession of a penis, however, I do find coming up with solutions and answers requiring an awful lot of brain power.

I had one of these extremely difficult, being-an-owner-of-a-penis-would-be-of-benefit, I-have-no-freaking-idea-what-the-answer-is situations the other day.

I put on my sensible face, I stuffed my desire to laugh hysterically deep down, nestled comfortably next to Oh, Shit, What If I Fuck This Up, and Who Let Me Adult, Anyway fears, and had a nice, calm discussion.

AND I FIXED A PENIS-RELATED DILEMMA!

High fives, everyone!

Sometimes, I freaking rock this parenting shit!

I’m also impressed that I managed to have an entire conversation without sarcasm, swearing, or sniggering uncontrollably.

That deserves a high-five itself!

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