Shaking up the routine

Obviously bored with the routine that he still can’t fucking manage despite having done the same thing every day for the last year and a half, Godzilla felt, perhaps, change may be as good as a holiday.

Or, maybe, “let’s see if we can tip mummy over the edge”.

Either way, we had performed a significant number of actions on the checklist, including “go and eat your breakfast” (three times), “stop jumping on the bed and put some damned clothes on” (seven times), and “what the fuck are you doing now, go and do whatever it is you need to do to get ready for school” (804 times) Godzilla mistook “go and get your bloody book bag” (the 19th time) for “go and retreive a toy you haven’t seen in the last 27 years and haven’t played with in 36, and wave it around in Chippie’s face”.

Follwed immediately by “but don’t you dare let him touch it, you may only tease him with it” that I’m sure was “put your frigging shoes on” (17 times).

The result?

A screaming mummy, a screaming and tantrumming Chippie and a Godzilla (“get your bag NOW, we are LEAVING! And where the fuck are your shoes?! For fuck’s sake!” (twice)) lying on the floor, in front of his school bag, shoeless, sockless and playing with another “oh, I didn’t know we still had that toy, though we’d tossed it out sometime last century”, as mummy wrestled kicking, screaming toddler into his pram.

Yup, just the holiday I needed.

Or not.

5 Replies to “Shaking up the routine”

  1. oh darling I feel your pain. So pleased there is another mum who says the f bomb in front of the kids. Just have a nice lie down and a big glass of wine

  2. Sounds very much like my household, lots of F bombs dropped. Yesterday alone must have been a personal best for me, and I only have the one to rein. Although I think DS got the message when I made him go to school without shoes or jacket on, so he wasn’t able to play outside with the other kids before the bell went. Not happy was he, but if you’re not ready by a certain time you go as you are!

    And I’m lucky that his teacher is in on it too – next time I have to resort to such measures, she’s agreed she’ll add to it by hiding his shoes and jacket (concealed in bag) so that he has to stay in at recess as well.

  3. On days like these, I like to be in the bath with the door locked when Mr Woog gets home so he enters TOTAL FUCKING CHAOS!
    Put your shoes on?? That sentence will send me to the funny farm.
    xo

  4. Ooh – wwc, LOVING your teacher! How awesome is she?

    Mrs Woog, and when I calm down enough to swear less, I plan to record it and just loop it.

    Before I go loopy ….

    And, what’s with “where are my shoes” every fucking morning? They are ALWAYS under the coffee table. Sticking out enough so his toes are touching them when he say’s “I can’t find them”

    ARGH!

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