The Alien Children


A standard morning of not seemingly able to absorb, then follow the “get dressed now” instruction, and, after half an hour of asking, begging, pleading I finally lost it.

Only this time, I did it on my favourite online forum, rather than out loud and to the kids.

Then, a Miracle occurred. Although, it could quite possibly have been sneaky Aliens.

Monkey Boy dropped everything, without me saying a word out loud, finished his getting dressed, packing bag and filling in reader book then helped Godzilla to get dressed and pack his bag.

Who are you two and what have you done with my children? Actually, don’t answer that, I think I’d prefer you anyway. You may stay.

Got them off to school on time very unusual.

Hopped into car, no going back for anything – how have the remembered it al?? – and up the road we head. Until the car, the very car which has just been serviced, stalls going around the corner at the intersection of two very busy roads.

Well, I lie slightly. Only one road is very busy, the other is just busy.

Thus preventing any other traffic from crossing the intersection or turning into the road from either direction. Most people were patient, only one tooted me. Very rudely!


Once we eventually got to school (still on time – what is going on?) the kids hopped out of the car immediately, Monkey Boy collected all his required school-type paraphernalia with no whinging and no requests for me to take it for him because he somehow contracted some rare form of leprosy during the 7 minute trip to school and all his limbs have fallen off and besides he is too tired, oh, and the bags are too heavy.

Then, off to swimming, where Godzilla concentrated the most he has ever done and tried his hardest and swam with the most amazing effort. We went for our standard coffee with friends afterwards, where he left when requested so we could go and do the grocery shopping.

He carried this list without complaint – because a piece of paper can be extraordinarily heavy at times – and helped put things in the trolley. He didn’t even ask to go in it himself! We left the shopping centre without complaint, despite my telling him that we weren’t having a baby-cino and small bread man that day, helped me load the car, then unload it when we got home.

Monkey Boy did his swimming lesson remarkably well, whilst Godzilla played happily, allowing me to watch Monkey Boy.

We returned home. A few minor incidents, but all still going really well. They played nicely and happily whilst I prepared dinner, Grumpy Pants came home and we all sat down to a nice meal together. The table was set. Drinks were poured. We were all there at the same time, in the one place.

It was at this point the Aliens snuck in and returned my children.

I recounted the story of the car stalling as I turned the corner, suggesting that perhaps the service wasn’t quite what it should have been and do we need to place a call to the mechanics or car yard again. Because this is just not acceptable.

Monkey Boy helped out, reinforcing the inconvenience of the car stalling at inappropriate spots “Yeah, and Mummy said ‘fuck'”.

At which point, Godzilla said “fuck hehehehehehe” and spilt his drink.

Can I have those other kids back now, please?

Leave a Reply