Things I learnt about School Science Projects

So, after being advised, as we’re walking out the door for school, of the school science project that needs to be dropped off at school, and subsequent “I dunno. I had a note. I dunno where it is” I schedule in “do something about damned school science project and it’s stupid fair thing this Thursday after school which is a really crap time to have stupid science fair because it’s just a shit time” into my diary and phone/new mind.

Multiple reminders to child whose science project it is. Other child also wants to present something at the fair, because, apparently, I am an idiot and he has picked up on this and wishes to torment me further by involving me in a second, yet entirely unnecessary, science project.

Note to self: Ensure seven year old understands the term “voluntary” means “no fucking chance in hell Mummy is going to take part”

So, here we are, after school, and I must now ensure the damned project is complete.

I have a wine.

I explain to Godzilla that, unfortunatley, we cannot continue with the project I inadvertantly agreed to, because Chippie at the crucial part for his lunch today.

Have more wine, impart instructions to Monkey Boy.

More wine is needed as I am forced to a) further impart instructions to Monkey Boy and b) explain, again, that Chippie really did eat part of science project for his lunch. Remaining part of science project not technically remaining as it was never started on.

Yell a bit at Monkey Boy and have wine to calm nerves.

Science project complete and photos taken to “create a poster to show the process” uploaded onto computer. Godzilla now in meltdown over eating of project and cannot / will not be consoled. Resort to tantrum myself (and more wine).

My job (for today) is complete. I can now rest easy.

Right after I say, yet again “Stop licking the bloody lemon juice off your science project!”

Why would anyone do that?

What is going on in his head?

If there is any left over lemon juice, I need it for my tequila …

So, what did I learn:

  1. the note regarding the school science fair and it’s impending required date will be handed over at worst possible moment
  2. do not drink wine before embarking on school science project activities
  3. do not feed middle child’s science project to youngest child for lunch because it was there
  4. or because you couldn’t be arsed making something else
  5. ensure plenty of wine is on hand …

If anyone can explain, logically, why a child would like lemon juice of his science project, I’d be most interested.

I will be more interested if you send me wine …

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