T'is the season to be Jolly

Was woken several times during the night – children, husband coming home, rain, weird dreams, OH MY GOD I STILL HAVE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS TO GET!

Plan the day. Take kids to get Grumpy’s present, purchase the rest of the things on my presents list, take kids to have Santa photo – because I can – and purchase some things from supermarket that are requried for Christmas lunch and dinner with the families.

Head off up the street, and keep getting distracted by pretty, shiny things. And shoes. And pretty, shiny things in the shape of shoes. And shoes with pretty, shiny things on them.

The kids quickly brought me crashing back to reality, however. One attempting to walk up the street with his jacket pulled up over his face, and the other singing “You are an idiot bum bum head” to the tune of Jingle Bells.

Parked on the uppermost level of the car park, which is not undercover, as was not in the right frame of mind to deal with the moronic behaviours of other drivers in the car park, whos only focus was the car park 74 kilometres ahead of them, or stalking the fat lady with the 3 feral children and laden with bags and boxes, attempting to locate her car, all whilst ensuiring her 4 year old survived the experience and made it to Christmas day.

Got through the shopping encounter with only one spilt bottle of cream, 6 tantrums and one “No you can’t have the bloody Simpsons DVD” said loudly and repeatedly until the woman in the isle in front of me threated to slap my kids.

Upset the man behind the counter at the butchers because I said “no” to him giving them a lolly pop.

“But they are good boys.”

“No, they’re not. They’re misbehaving and they’re not having one!”

“Oh. But they have one, they behave nice.”

WTF???? If anyone is gonna do any bribing, its gonna be me. I put up with the crap, I at least get to have the good jobs.


“Ah, but is Christmas!”

At which stage “They’re not having a fucking lollypop!” rent through the centre. I have no idea where it came from, but I’m surely it wasn’t me?


They weren’t gonna get a bloody baby cino for their behaviour either. And my choc rock ice-cream was melting and needed to get home.

Loaded everything up, head up the dodgy escalator to the uppermost level of the carpark, to find it is bucketing down with rain, and the car was just

Leave a Reply