What fine institutions Victorian public schools are

With support like this around me, I’m really quite surprised I’m not a better mother.

It all began, at swimming lessons, with a large crowd of listeners and the two school aged children saying things like “I’ve got a match, your face and my bum” very loudly to each other. The older one getting it and being more and more inventive with his “matches” and the younger one not getting it but getting louder as the older got more inventive.

My “will you please SHUT UP NOW!” went unheeded, quite possibly because the baby was gouging my face off in attempt to go for a swim, and the Grumpy one stepped into help.

“Come here!” he bellows, and I think thank fuck he’s actually doing something about it. “I’ve got a match, too. Your brain and fly poo!”

Hilarious. And most helpful.

Toss them in the pool, sit around bored out of my head, except for the really funny bits where they are learning new strokes, yell at them about getting into showers and getting dressed and walk back to the car.

“Guess what I learnt at school today?”

Hmmm. I rarely, if ever, get offered such information. “Do tell?”

(Actually, I didn’t say that. I never say that. But it sounds like I’m interested. I did think oh, fuck, do I really want to know+, because past experience has taught me well)

“OK. Say “for China” 10 times, really fast!

There’s a catch, I know it. I work it out. I sigh a lot and ponder the fine public school system we have in Victoria.

(And if you dind’t get it, try it again – For China – really fast!)

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